Friday, April 20, 2007

Always be Closing

How NOT to get the job

Before you can shoot the job, you have to get the job. Here is a quick list of the best ways to not get hired to direct a music video.

10. Focus on the part YOU like
If you really want to blow your shot at the gig, never make the treatment, the pitch and the reference images all about the performance, or the artist’s chance to show off their acting chops or polish their street cred or whatever it is “they” want to be the focus. To completely screw up your chances, tell them you are going shoot a weird art movie about people who have TVs where their hearts should be or spend all the budget to composite some cutting edge effect that only other compositors will understand the difficulty of or break a million fluorescent light tubes in ultra slow motion. If the label knows that you are only interested in the video to add some new element to your reel and couldn’t care less about the artist – you are well on you way to not getting the job.

9. Spell the artist’s name wrong
Or even better, leave it out all together. Or write about your indie movie idea for three pages and then put “I will also shoot a performance in an alley” at the bottom of the last page. That gets ‘em every time.

8. Use confusingly technical terminology
“Slow motion” is such a prosaic term – and you want to really show off how much you learned in film school, so be sure you call slo-mo by its rightful name “high speed.” Those label people will be impressed by your knowledge of filmic technique and they will definitely understand that fast means slow. Trust me on this one. Don’t tell them what they will see on screen, tell them exactly how you will do it.

7. Reference other music videos and directors
Name names. Put in a list of your favorite directors. Name photographers as well. There is no chance they will read that and say, “We should hire that guy” whilst pointing out one of the suggestions you so kindly included in your concept.

6. Annoy the commissioner
Even if the commissioner says “Here is the brief, that’s all I know” – keep pestering them for more details. Since video commissioners are amongst the highest ranking execs at any label they always have a super-secret stash of good info that they will give out to only the most nudg-y of prospective directors. If they exasperatedly say “I dunno, just write something great” – you should always come back with something like “What kind of great?” or “Does that mean a rooftop performance or a narrative about taxi drivers dressed as angels?” Commissioners LOOOOVE those questions.

5. Be indecisive
Labels are usually looking for a director with a vision of some kind, so be sure your treatment encompasses everything under the sun. Vague and poorly thought through ideas like “We could shoot at the beach, or downtown, or possibly even in the middle of the desert” are sure to make them think that you are the decisive captain to sail their ship.

4. Bug the commissioner for the names of who else is writing on the job
(self explanatory)

3. Work out your own personal issues
Girlfriend just break up with you? Make the video about that! Who cares if the track you are writing on is an upbeat pop number? Work with the choreographer to have the dancers form the shape of your broken heart. (P.S. Inserting your own strident political views also works great.)

2. Write a concept that is impossible to film
Waste all their time and get them excited about some idea that really cannot be done for anywhere near the money. This will lose you this job and make them mad at you for years. No better nickname to have than “That Time-wasting Sunovabitch.” That is MV gold, right there. Writing a treatment that would cost 3x the budget to produce might make them suddenly cough up all the extra cash or even fall in love with your genius. This is called “Get them pregnant with the idea, then figure it out.” Great strategy.

1. Get the commissioner pregnant
Seriously. Knock her up. Make her with child. This might work.

Labels: , ,

And the winner for most sarcastic goes too... ^^

Heh, no seriously, I was cracking up.

Do people/directors really do these things?

What are they teaching at Film School these days? certainly not common sense and work place etiquette...

Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?